I Was A Child Grinch (part 1)
When I was four years old, I really wanted a dollhouse. Since my father was handy with tools, he decided to make my dream come true and build me one for Christmas. Every evening my father would come home after a long day of work only to disappear for hours inside his workshop. He hand […]
The Falcon Has Landed
My parents brought home a humble income, which meant that everything we did was on a budget… including Christmas gifts. Each December, my brothers and I were tasked with strategically aligning our holiday wish-list with the predetermined funds. While other children wrote Christmas lists, we made spreadsheets and flowcharts. We had all but written a […]
The Preacher’s Wife
When I was in high school, my father was asked to pastor a small mid-western church, so we dutifully packed up our lives and migrated. There were only fifty-some people who attended the small country church, and most of the members were related to each other. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. Uncles. My mother would joke, “If […]
You’re a Horrible, Horrible Person. Merry Christmas.
What it’s like to shop for clothes: It’s such a simple sequence of events… that makes you look like a total asshole when you do it in December.
Mr. Thisby’s Opus
I grew up in rural Pennsylvania where you were either Christian, Amish, Mennonite or backslidden. My mother loved to tell guests how wonderful our town was because, “grocery stores played Christian music…” …and “neighbors swept their sidewalks.” We were religious and tidy. As a town, we couldn’t possibly get any closer to godliness if we […]
The “S” Word
Like all God-fearing families, there were things my parents simply did not discuss. Things like the “S” word. But the world being the secular playground that it is, there’s only so much sheltering a Christian parent can maintain. That proverbial snake will sneak its way into your Eden, no matter how vigilant your watch! By […]
How My Mother Fought, Won, But Ultimately Lost the War Against Hollywood – Part 2
“So that’s it…???” You might ask. “You were given a tv, and your mother just waved a flag of surrender…?” The score was: Mother – 1 Hollywood – 1 The war was NOT over. We were just in over-time. My mother treated the new TV the same way she would treat a creepy uncle… it […]
Attached at the Chip
Our dog Chip has to be touching someone. All. The. Time.
How My Mother Fought, Won, But Ultimately Lost the War Against Hollywood – Part 1
My mother was a devoted patron of religious radio…. which meant… she was constantly reminded of the war Hollywood was waging against the innocent souls of her children. Every movie was a portal to the heathen… Every storyline– a lure to the dark side… And every cute critter — a demon in disguise… Her plan […]